All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found your dick twin last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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