I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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