I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
