Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I need to stop coming to work sober
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
