I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
