Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
