was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What a dumb baby whore.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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