there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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