she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
