they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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