Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
