so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
