I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
