you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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