Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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