Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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