i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
