Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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