WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
