Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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