so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
