it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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