If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
