Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
