9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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