I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
