There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
