considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
