If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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