i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
