i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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