Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
