he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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