haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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