The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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