Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
