omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
