i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
