thus making me awesome and them whores
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
