ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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