Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
