All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
