so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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