I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
