Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
