I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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