Acid is not a monday night drug
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
