This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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