he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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