You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
