Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
