He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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