He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
