She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
