Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
