True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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