ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
