There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
