That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
