Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think people are normalizing furries
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
