ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
