i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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