My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
