I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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