miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
