so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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