it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
