There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
