and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
