Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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