would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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