I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
