Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
