She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
being pregnant is like rehab
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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