she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
