Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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