I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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