so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
