all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
