I met the friendliest cop last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize