carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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