I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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