I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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